What about the Sh*# that I say?

Dear Justin Halpren (sorry avid readers today's post is directly marketed and geared toward one person and one person only)

As an unemployed, quote-unquote, Gen-Y slacker you claim to be a writer yet based your entire success off of words from someone else. And not just anyone else but your father. (Plagiarize much?) And because it's hard to copywrite the spoken word you were able to directly copy and paste what came out of his mouth onto your little blog that got turned into a medium sized book and now mainstream media will turn into a huge network TV show. Please don't get me wrong, I am one and one for all about the success of Gen-Y'ers especially in this economy and have many-a-times promoted a great blog. But what Yours Truly does not understand is why the words of a sometimes racist, sexist, agist and angry old white man can make so many people, especially yourself happy and rich.

I wonder what it is about your father that garnered so much attention. I mean I think I say shit everyday. I say shit on Facebook I say shit on my blog and I say shit in real life. However, no one (well as of yet) has offered me a book deal, a TV deal or has decided that William Shatner would be perfect to play me (I guess that would never happen but what about Lucy Liu?) (or as my brothers like to claim Margaret Cho)

Either way, Dear Avid Justin, I would like to officially take the time to not thank you for lowering the standards of which our next generation of Z'ers will have to choose their reading and viewing materials from.

Enjoy the headstone, may your TV show be a 3 episode success.

Sincerely
Yours Truly.

Yours Truly Gryllis

Dear Avid Readers.

I've been getting Facebook updates and pictures of all the outdoorsy things people do over the summer. Hiking, canoeing, camping, fishing etc. It looks like so much fun and I am always envious of people who have that innate sense of adventure and bond with mother earth. I mean, I love adventure. But somehow between me you and the lamp post my sense of adventure is getting on a plane to Amsterdam, figuring out how to get into the city center by using only public transportation and then trying to meet a stranger who is a local and having him/her show me the best retaurants, bars and spots that tourists don't know about. My worst nightmare, on the other hand, would be to be dropped in the middle of nowhere, like Bear Grylls and have to survive.

With that being said, it's not my worst nightmare in the sense that I would hate it. I mean I talk about auditioning for The Amazing Race and Survivor all the time and really believe that I want to do it. I just mean that if I were put in that situation it would be my worst nightmare becuase I would be terrible at it. I don't mean terrible (like my Math skills) but I mean terrible as in if I get too cold sometimes in the city I literally stop walking becuase I feel that death is a better alternative than being cold. Or when I get too hot I get a bloody nose becuase I don't have enough pores to let the heat out. I would be terrible in the sense that I just wouldn't make it out alive.

I look at the people who go camping and (in shorts) get on their hands and knees and start digging a fire pit. Or those woman who pull over on the side of the road and go neck high in prarie grass just to pee. I want to be like that but the truth is the minute I am on my hands and knees in the dirt I think about taking a shower. Or when I try to pee in weeds I would have an entire ass (quite a large surface area) covered with bites from mosquitos to spiders that would be entirely terrible. If I get bitten in Brooklyn I spend the rest of the night like an addict on the worst trip of their life, paranoid and thinking that bugs are eating me alive.

Anyways, dear avid readers, for all you out there that do all the things I wish I could do cheers. My hat is definitely off to you. Know that I wish I was there, I wish I could do what you do, and I wish I knew the first steps of bonding with nature. But, alas, yours truly, has accepted that I am a hotel, a.c., and restaurant type of a girl who understands and appreciates those who aren't.

I will bond by continuing to donate yearly to the WWF (not worldwife wrestling federation people but World Wildlife Fund) and making sure that when I order sushi I order only fish that is in season and NOT just salmon and tuna!

As Dorky as Dorky Gets

Dear Avid Readers. Call it teenage angst, call it a blast from the past but this week I decided to paint my nails black. After being immersed in Williamsburg for a full year now I keep seeing these cooler-than-a meat-freezer-in-Minnesota kids walking about town with black nails and I thought to myself, "hey that looks awesome" in fact, Yours Truly's BF even said that he thought it would be "cool". Well, on Monday a girlfriend and I decided to grab dinner and get our nails done. As I purveyed the rows of pinks, reds, purples, and blues I decided to go with black.

well, I got home poured myself a glass of bourbon and by morning as I was doing some dishes before work I screamed. I mean I screamed one of those screams that would have been embarrassing if there was actually someone else there in the room because I thought that there was a cockroach on my hand.

As I dropped a handful of silverware and backed away from the sink while shaking my hand (only about 3 seconds in real time) I realized that it was my own fingernails that were the culprit. (see insert of picture above as proof that in the dark whilst squinting how much my fingers now look like cockroaches)

Anyways, having this little "incident" this morning I realized something Shallow and Moderate about myself (a.k.a. something NOT deep and profound) I have always been comfortable with the fact that I wasn't the traditional definition of cool becuase I've always been confident in who I was inately.

Expample: When I started developing my 30's "stella-bump"

[Definition: Noun: the little pouch a women tends to get after many years of beer drinking. Synonym: Beer Belly Antonym: Six Pack]

I was ok with it, afterall, look how much press Bradgelina got when the papps discovered her bump!

Same thing with my nails. Even when I try to hip-out and get black nailpolish I end up scaring the shit out of myself and almost passed out from fear while washing dishes. And in events like this there is nothing better to do than 1. laugh at yourself 2. let the world know via Facebook and Blogger that you are the biggest dorko potato on Earth 3. Let those that know or not know you laugh with you in the hopes that you makes someone's day just a little better and in return this is the best and most financially smart therapy one can get because by doing so I only become cooler on the inside even though my outside might seem like I am a 32 year old that is obsessed with Twilight (which Dear Avid Readers, have no fear because I am not) I am only obsessed with The Real Housewives.

Another New Housewife of Miami

Dear Avid Readers,
Yours Truly is by no means what you might call a "sports fan" but I did get swept up in the Lebrocle as I was excited at the prospect that he may go to Chicago. But as the days went on the Wade/Bosch got into the drama-rama and Lebron extended his "decision" timeline I got more and more annoyed with the whole situation.

I mean, there was more drama in the weeks leading up to Lebron's decision than an entire season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta with Nene. I mean we had Wade and his baby daddy drama. Then we had Lebron and his Cleveland "it will be like a nuclear bomb in Ohio if Lebron leaves" (direct quote from ESPN) drama, and you throw in Bosch as a nice and rounded three-some you have reality TV at its best.

Yours Truly just has one last thing to say about this whole Lebrocle...and it's this. Next time you haters make fun of me and my Real Housewives, or my ANTM H2T, I want you think back on this time as you sat biting your nails, waiting in sweaty anticipation for Lebron to make his decision that he really is no better than the "what-you-like-to-call-shit-TV" The Real Housewives. My suggestion to BRAVO is simple. Go down to Miami, start a show called The Real Ballers of Miami and follow Wade, Lebron and Bosch around town as they hit up topless beaches, get WAAAAAsted on pink drinks with umbrellas and bang young girls. But me, I'll stick with the housewives, because after this week Nene seems sane and enjoyable compared to Le'muchodramabron James.

You Go On Girl...Move On.

Moving on.

Dear Avid Readers, I have been noticing how much people like to move on. They are constantly on to the next fashion trend, music trend, novel, author, restaurant, bar...you name it they have already moved onto it two weeks before I even thunk it; but that's not me.

My ipod still has music from Erasure (my first cassette tape purchase) or how about Aerosmith "Big Ones" (my first concert experience) I mean it even has a few Blink 182 (first downloaded mp3). I am absolutely ok with all these mover-oners who scoff at my Weird Al Playlist. the reason for that is, while the rest of my Dear Avid Readers move on to bigger, not-necessarily-always-better things I store the oldies but goodies away.

I'm the girl that walks into a party and the crowd says, "whoa, you have (insert any old school hit)" or "Man, I haven't seen that shit in years" that's becuase even though I learn to love and accept new trends I continue to hold on to the old ones.

Whilst my fellow Avid Readers are spending hundreds of dollars on skinny jeans, all I have to do is unpack my shit from storage and pull out my high school jeans. I mean we all know that it eventually comes back around. You may compare me to Weird Al's hit "White and Nerdy" (for all you folks out there Yours Truly is Asian) all I have to say is that's fine. I am absolutely happy with that because when it's all said and done.

The Real Non-Housewives of NYC

Yes Dear Avid Readers, I am guilty of loving The Real Housewives of All The Cities. I watch them incessantly, laughing at them and never quite with them for the most part but still with-them nonetheless. I share their lives from city to city story to story. I know their children, their husbands and their daily grind. But what I don't understand is why I am obsessed. I mean, I like to think that yours truly has a deep understanding of myself. I usually can pinpoint the reasons I feel a certain way, why I act the way I do and I am 99% of the time honest with myself through the hurtful truths and the righteous ones. But this obsession, this dire need to watch and be addicted is somehow hard to pinpoint.

Take Kelly, for example, she openly admits she is a hypocrite (most likely because she does not know the definition of a hypocrite) but either way, she says that she supports PETA but wears fur because PETA is only against torturing animals and she did not torture any animals to get that mink on her back. Why would I, Dear Avid Readers, find someone like her interesting? She also said that "making lemonade out of lemons doesn't necessarily need to mean making a bad situation good but could also mean making a good situation bad."(FALSE, Kelly, FALSE)

Or how about the charges this 45 year old filed on a 19 year old (although the 19 year old was at fault) over hair pulling extensions. I mean I should feel sad and disgraces by these women who are so trashy that they forgot the number one lesson in self-less parenting and that is to want your children to be better than yourself and not end up like yourself. These parents are taking it one step further and raising children to end up being like the women they despise.

What am I ultimately trying to say? Well, Dear Avid Readers, I needs to quits this show, but I just don't know how (same line I told myself many moons ago when i tried to quit smoking). but really, even with smoking I had to employ a hypnotist to fully be able to say adios to those killers. I may need the same therapy for these ladies. I just want to warn my avid readers that if you open Page 6 of the New York Post one day and front page story is of a young lady getting hypnotized to quit the Real Housewives, don't be scared. You heard it here first.

Mid-Life Purgatory

Dear Avid Readers,

I know, I know. It's been about a year since I've last shared "Deep Thoughts by Yours Truly." I find that I am at my best when things are slow and calm. It is typically those times that my little head is able to process and turn events into crazy thoughts in my head. After what seems like a busy and crazy year I've decided to return to the daily grind and be better at updating. These next few entries will catch ya'll up on my life since Wednesday December 17, 2008, but, for now, I wanted to talk about my mid life purgatory.

I don't think I will ever be a person who goes through a midlife crisis. I mean, I strongly believe that having an untraditionally tough childhood has led me to really, really, really appreciate the aging process. My life has increasingly gotten better and more fulfilling with age. But that absolutely does not stop me from having a mid-life purgatory.

For those of you unfamiliar with such above mentioned illness it is when you are literally stuck between being a kid and being an adult. Some people look at this and think...yuck, purgatory stinks while others think its the perfect utopian life balance.

I, on the other-hand, have no idea which one I am. Examples you ask???

1- I walk into the school cafeteria and will shake my head in disgust at all the little children going to school in their pj's BUT find it difficult to leave with my cup of coffee because the TV is tuned into MTV's "True Life"

2. I want to go back to school BUT only if it A.) pays me to study like an adult job does B.) does not require additional work when I am done with class like an adult job does and C.) Gives me 25 vacation days of my choice like my job does (I mean on top of daily classtime)

3. I love hosting dinner parties and throwing keggers and literally having a hoe-down every weekend, BUT the idea of strangers peeing and puking in my sparkly white toilet bowl isn't as glamorous as it was before

4. I attend the "young" events and feel it's too loud, too obnoxious, too hipstery and too, well, young BUT I attend the "adult" events and have a hard time contributing to mortgages, children and climbing the corporate ladder. I mean all I want to do is ask, "Can you believe Tamara in the Real Housewives last night??? I mean, for realz?"

5. I still hate going to bed and will find myself making picture frames, playing Nintendo DS or watching TV til late at night, BUT still getting my purgatory ass out of bed by at least 9 am.

6. On weekends I think about gardening, re-arranging the apartment or running errands BUT typically wake up hung over and wanting a greasy breakfast followed by a nap. (oh p.s. I don't know how to garden, am not too handy when it comes to decorating and really what are errands if not things that can be done tomorrow?)

7. In the sense of cognitive awareness I know that I should be excercising more and eating healthier as I grow older BUT I continue to tell myself that Asians have an additional 5 year bump due to high metabolism and I live in a city that celebrates fine dining so I should never waste such opportunities.

so there you have it dear avid readers. I have now bestowed upon you my deepest and most intimate thoughts. Trust me, more will be coming but, for now, I will leave you with this final thought.

If you find yourself reading this and thinking "yes, yes, yes, I agree" then there is clearly only one solution for you. Move to Brooklyn (preferably as close to Metropolitan and Graham as possible) and let's start a club together where we we act like complete teenage fools with the dignitgy and experience of an adult in purgatory.

In other news

Dear avid readers, in case ya'll don't get to see it again soon here is a photo of me holding a new born...yes, I look all happy and content and like I know what I'm doing but I was just a little nervous-nerves...and I will say this much, after 15 minutes of holding an 8lb 7ounce baby my arm was starting to get a little sore.



Here she is Juniper Vanda Christina Franzoni...she was actually born on the brightest full moon in 15 years...

Lastly, my boss is driving me bonkers. She is the most unorganized, loopy, only-talks-about-how-much-work-there-is-but-not-actually-do-anything kind of a person. She literally loses everything and says that she "knows her weaknesses" yet never seems to do anything about it. It is so hard to work with disorganized people. She will walk into my office to ask me something and then just leave something in my office so then I feel compelled to complete it but half the time I can't complete it and I end up having to just let it sit at my desk which I HATE clutter...grrrrrrr

Phew what a month

Dear Avid Reaers,

I apologize for being the worst blogger as of late, but it feels as if life has been a bit of a whirlwind lately. First and foremost, at the beginning of August I moved and started a new job. I posted some pictures here of the new casa (which does have a spare bedroom with a Queen Sized Futon for those that are interested in visiting) A la Restroom
A la Kitchen

A La Living Room

I don't actually have pictures of the bedrooms but they are to the right of the living room, and YES, that little box IS my television so for anyone interested in buying me a 42" flatscreen TV for Christmas this year please feel free to email me and I will be more than happy to provide you with my address as to where to deliver the TV

Next was my Thanksgiving trip to China. I took ZERO pictures as it was a short trip and well I just didn't.

Here is the Thanksgiving dinner we had on Friday night...Catered by the Chinese but still delicious. I was the only one who showed up with a holiday sweater of lights

Here I am looking like a biatch

Here's me not looking happy AGAIN

Here is John and I 2 hours after me finding out he actually really wants to remain in China. I thought I put on a pretty "bright" face for having found out such devastating news...get it? Bright?

Beyond that my NYC bff, Patricia just gave her to an 8lb 7ounce baby girl named Baby Girl P. (they as in mom and dad) have not decided on a name yet.

She is adorable and sweet natured (well for a 1 hour old)
This is her umbilical cord...I thought it was her first dump and was going to give her some mad props for pooping out something that enormous....my bad.

Here she is trying to open her eyes but the nurses rubbed it full of vaseline so she really couldn't. I also found out that newborns cannot have pictures of them taken with Flash...which is funny cuz in movies they are always taking pictures of newborns but really the flash is off...
Here she is again my little peanut. The two names in contention are:

1. Juniper

2. Luna

They apparently did not find my suggestion of "Stella" all that great.

O.M.G. I feel like Kate on Lost but Without the abs

O.M.G. This is getting creepier and creepier. So, not only did R. Chang write me back, but so did this girl named Stacy who apparently found this huge blog dedicated to R. Chang called Who Is RChang and he has crazy things that surround him. (check my blog comments to see) and also, I think this is the same guy who my brother ran into in the mountains in Taiwan, because he wrote me back an email yesterday as follows:

Hello Ms. Lee,

I have checked other schools, but I feel that Pace University will fit my needs to perfection. Well, I figured that psychology would be a good program to go into so if you could give me any information about how to get started that will be rocktastic....haha....do you get it Ms. Lee? Rocktastic is like fantastic......haha.....all the rocks think I am a riot too. No, I did not go on any rock tours lately, but I did go on a hiking tour in the mountains of Taiwan. It was very beautiful and I did get to see some lovely rocks. Well, look forward to hearing back from you. Ronald "the rock" Chang.

Dear Avid Readers, if you know of anything that can lead to the explanation of this mysterious R. Chang, please let me know through comments. It is just the weirdest thing ever...

Asian Rock Lover

Dear Avid Readers, this is going to be one LONG, CRAZY, UNBELIEVABLE post. As the following events are absolutely real.

So, a few weeks back I started a new job as Assistant Director of Graduate Admissions. As part of my job I answer emails from students on a daily basis. Some students come in with amazingly great questions, some students ask important questions but that can be found with minimal research and then there are the students that just ask the dumbest questions that don't deserve an answer. But it is very rare, indeed, that someone would write an email that literally seems out from left field.

Below, I am going to outline the happenings of the craziest coincidence EVER. The other day I was reading through my work emails and found one titled

"Asian Senstation thehottieasiansenstation@gmail.com" it read:

9/7/2008

Hello Ms. Lee,
I want to be accepted into Pace University. I feel that I am qualified because I know every rock on planet Earth as well as the outer space world. I am so good with rocks people have called me Mr. Rock. This is why I should be accepted into Pace. Hope to hear your response. Good day, Mr. Ronald "the rock" Chang.

I thought it was funny and a joke and showed my co-workers but we all agred that in order to be politically correct, in case "the Rock" was serious I should write back. So, on 9/7/08 I wrote:

Dear Mr. Chang,

thank you for your interest in Pace University. I would be more than happy to discuss the different opportunities offered here at Pace if I were to know what program you were interested in.

Immediately the next day I heard back

9/8/2008

Hello Ms. Lee,
If you have a program about Rock study I would be more than qualified. Probably more so than the professor. I really hope you have a program in rock study, but if not then I think I will excel in psychology for many reasons. As I have become more familiar with rocks my feelings have become attached also. I try to understand and feel what each rock is feeling and I believe they respect me and care about me because I do this. I feel that the rocks trust me and look to me with guidance as I try to show them the light. I think this is the same aspect with humans. Rocks and humans are the same and since I know everything about rocks it will be easy to know everything about humans. So, when can I start school? Thank you, Ronald "the rock" Chang

Now, after reading this I was like, okay this is totally a joke and I decided to ignore Mr. Rock and move on with my life. I stored these emails away in the same file as the lyrics to all Weird Al Yankovich songs (which is in the far nether regions of my brain) and continued on with life. Well, a few days later I received a third email as follows

9/11/2008

Hello Ms. Lee,
I have not heard back from you and was wondering about any possible rock scholarships available. Maybe a $10,000 dollar scholarship for a student who excels in naming various rocks on the spot. Or even maybe a scholarship to a student who the rocks trust with their lives. I am that person. Rocks trust me and are willing to sacrifice their lives for me; that is how much these rocks love me. So, if you could tell me about the scholarships available I would greatly appreciate that. Since I have been spending most of my time with rocks (taking care of them, cleaning them, talking to them, etc) I have not been getting any income in so a scholarship would be nice. Please email me back and let me know. Thank you, Ronald "the rock" Chang.

Again, I ignored it, but then on 9/15/2008 I decided to catch up on all my blogs of friends and family and started reading through. Some people had updated many-a-happenings in their life which I was glad to read about, and others have not updated in days, weeks, months which I was very un-glad to not read about. But what was craziest is when I got to Dear Avid Little Brothers blog and his latest blog entry: The Weirdest Guy Ever if you read it will knock your socks off.

Now, I am not prone to superstition nor do I really get super spooked out by coincidence. I usually embrace coincidence with love and acceptance, but due to the weirdness of this rock guy I am totally freakiing out. What makes it worse is that I just finished watching Heroes season 1 & 2 and sort of wonder if this rock guy has super powers but becuase he is such a freak of nature that we are all just ignorning and missing out on his special skills to speak and understand rocks. Should I give him a chance or write him off as a Crazy McCrazerson?

Tropic Thunder

Dear Avid Readers, now that I have gotten off my political soapbox, let's go back to what the Daily Grind is all about...the things that happen daily that makes it grindful....errr something like that. So for my birthday, I received a wonderful gift from My Avid brother and sister-in-law in the form of free movie tickets. Usually when I get free movie tickets I like to spend it one movies that I typically reserve to watch "On-Demand" or "Net Flix". For example, I use it on movies like: Superbad, Don't Mess with the Zohan, or Baby's Mama. But for movies like The Secret Lives of Others, Lust Caution, or Notes on a Scandal I happily give them my $12 for the show. Anyways, so I had some free movie tickets and was told by an Avid Reader to go and watch Tropic Thunder.

Now, for those of you who may have seen it maybe you do or don't feel the same way I do but the following viewpoints are held my Yours Truly alone and do not represent the feelings or opions of the dear avid readers, blogspot, or Miramax Films!

This movie was triple O.C. (aggressively out of control) I saw Jack Black suck blood from a bat's face, Robert Downey Junior portray a fake black man, and a whole bunch of Vietnamese speak a weird combination of Mandarin/Jibberish. I couldn't tell if the Producers were too lazy to find out what language was actually spoken in Vietnam or if they thought it would be funnier if these Vietnamese spoke Mandarin. Either way there were parts of this movie that I did NOT get at all.

On the other hand, there were parts of this movie that I thought were unbelievable. I mean a balding, over-weight Tom Cruise rapping and breaking it down made my entire Sunday night, knowing that Jennifer Love Hewitt had enough humor and wit to do a cameo in the movie was another highlight. Lastly, seeing the little adopted boy fly off of Ben Stiller's back was probalby the funniest thing in the entire movie.

With that being said, dear avid readers, this is a movie that if you MUST see I definitely say that you watch it at home with the convenience of a couch and/or a bed, if you can not get through it!

A Few Good Points-as in Sarah Palin a.k.a. Amy Winehouse

Dear Avid Readers I am going to do something today that may shock or surprise you. I am gonna get agressive today and cover something I rarely cover on The Daily Grind and that is Politics. Despite the fact that I have already been pretty mesmorized with this election, McCain goes and ups the ante by calling in Palin as his running mate to make less time in my life for The Real World and more time devoted to Meet the Press, and This week with George Stephanopoulos. And as hard as it is for me to miss anything on MTV, I really have put a temporary hold on True Life to focus on helping Obama/Biden win this election. First and foremost, I am holding a fundraiser for Obama and for those who are Dear Avid Readers and Obama/Biden supporters who want to take this idea and run with it...please, do so.

1. B.A.R.F.O. Beer Drive (Buy A Round For Obama)

You can speak to your location "democratic" neighborhood bar and ask them if they will work with you. Bars may either donate a dollar for every beer you buy in which it will go to Obama or you can hand out tickets for buy one get one free chip. I mean you may run this fundraiser however you want to and give the earnings to the campaign. Oh and did I mention and get totally drunk as well! You will feel emtionally fantastic the next morning even if you are physically a wreck!2. My good friend Miss S has created an awesome Obama t-shirt that looks like the picture above and if you want to buy a shirt and not only be a walking supporter for Obama but all earnings also is donated to campaing efforts you can click on the link and support Obama and keep warm all at once.

3. Also, as Yours Truly is truly lucky and have friends all over this world I am hoping you convince all your fellow ex-patriots to at least go to www.barackobama.com and

A. Register to vote

B. Submit an absentee ballot

C. Change your name/address

D. Find the nearest polling station to your house

E. Find information on early voting

All these things can be done on the Obama website and will save you time and energy on voting day so you don't get stressed and run out of time to actually vote

4. My biggest fear is that those who are Obama supporters may say and support Obama for the entire year leading up to the big day, but when the day comes for them to actually go to the voting polls they don't (aka Paris Hilton who went on Rock the Vote ((yes I watch a lot of MTV)) but wasn't even registered) also, I work at a University and albeit I love my students, at the end of the day I have heard excuses from oversleeping, having mean professors who give them "random pop quizzes", afraid to get fired as excuses for not going out to vote. These little pumpkins forget (or have no idea) that there is this little law that allows them to go and vote without being fired and that the polls are open nearly the ENTIRE day and that the meanest

of Professors would be less mean if they saw these students care about the election and missed a pop-quiz to vote. On the other hand, McCain/Palin supporters WILL show up on election, WILL cast their votes and it WILL be scary if that happens.

5. Lastly, there are tons of Obama staff who are holding voter registration throughout America to help people get registered way before the date (for example I will volunteer at the Jason Mraz eerrr I mean Jason mmmmm-yummy concerct) to get concert goers to register to vote. The more you get done before voting makes voting day so much easier for you to go to!

So that's really it. There was this great article in the New York Times yesterday regarding Sarah Palin, in fact, as the Boy and I were reading the Sunday paper together we got to this phrase (Sarah Palin's visceral political views) and although I have read visceral a million times and even saw it on my GRE's when I took them many moons ago, I couldn't really and truly comprehend what the NYTimes were trying to convey in the message so I went to dicitonary.com and it ended up being funnier than I thought which made me happy to see that the NYTimes writer had such a sharp wit about him...but dictionary.com defines Palin's visceral views as being:

"proceeding from instinct rather than intellect"

and how true it is!

Hilarious

Dear Avid Readers I almost spit up my coffee this morning whilst reading something that is all at once hilarious and frightening. This post is truly dedicated to Avid Reader M.L. of Madison Wisconsin. As some of you may know Yours Truly is one of the biggest fans of Facebook. In fact, a major portion of my work day revolves around making sure that none of my friends lives are missed by scrolling the daily updates via Facebook. Well, this morning, being a slow Thursday, I decided to go on and look at all the comments that have been made. and in order to protect those involved I have blocked off specific names and pictures.

Anyways, I was on Facebook this morning and my name caught my attention for 2 of my mutual friends were writing each other. Person 1 (above) writes this to Person 2 (below)....[please note that all words in parenthesis are haved been changed from its original format to protect those involved]

"(PERSON 1) of the Iowa City (ONES)? Awesome. How are you? (YOUR MAN)? Wisconsin? I hope our paths cross again soon. Maybe when (YOURS TRULY) gets married................? Right."Well I was laughing because I love when mutual friends find each other and become friends and then we can all one day hang out. It's sort of a fantasy of mine that I can connect everyone I know and they all love each other because they love me and we can all be b.f.f.'s so I was loving that P1 and P2 were writing each other and on Facebook and are buddies until I read P2's response

"Ha! Yes, it's (PERSON 1) of the Iowa City (ONES). That's awesome. (THE HUSBAND) and I are well and yes, in Madison. It would be very fun to hang out again and definitely when (YOURS TRULY) gets married! That is going to be a killer bachelorette party! Hope you are fantastic!"

It was when I read this that Yours Truly went from giddy to frightened. The reason being. I am now absolutely fearful of the pressure the day of my bachelorette party will bring.

First of all...let me just say to my dearest avid readers I thank you so much for not only thinking that if I were to ever have a bachelorette party that ya'll think it will be so much fun. Secondly, I love it even more that my friends are all becoming virtual friends with one another so that if the day comes it will truly be so much fun as everyone loves everyone else. But this is a lot of pressure for me. I mean I feel now like I should be reading books like...
1. The Best Bachelorette Planning Guide
2. Bachelorette Parties for Dummies
3. The ABC's to the Best Bachelorette Party Eva'
However, instead, I am reading novels like "My Horizontal Life" and although I typically do not like Chick Lit, I did decide out of the blue to read this one. And I am not peeing my pants like other have said when they read this book but it does paint a very true picture of what living in the city (although she is in LA so the types of men are very different but as far as how a lady thinks is true) is like. If any of you dear avid readers are headed to the beach soon and want something to read that takes about 1% of your brain then this is the book for you!

Introducing Mr. James Lipton!

Dear Avid Readers,
As most of you may know Yours Truly has recently started a new job at Pace University. Upon arriving here, I discovered that the show, Inside the Actor's Studio, has moved from The New School to Pace University, and during our first day of Orientation for these MFA students I got to meet none other than the infamous...duh duh duh...James Lipton.

Yes folks, that's right I met the bearded man with a huge vocabulary himself and he gave a speech to the incoming class of 2008 and I swear there were a few twitches of eyebrows in the audience as he used words I even had trouble comprehending...and we all now the extent of my vocabulary.

Last but not least Ellen Burstyn was there as well as she was a co-founder of the Actor's Studio as well. It was very interesting!

10 Hours and counting

Dear Avid Readers, I am being a little rindonkulous today because Joan is coming back in town in less than 12 hours. I am pretty stoked. He will be here for 2 weeks and I am super duper excited. Despite Mr. RK's annoying, egotistical, I-want-to-grab-his-nuts-and-rip-it-out-of-his-body-just-to-stuff-it-in-his-mouth-and-watch-him-gag-on-it attitude I am trying to not let it get the best of me and just concentrate on the fact that I am dying for Joan to get here because
1. I get to celebrate my birthday AGAIN!
2. I get to be taken out on fancy dinners cuz it's my favorite hobby
3. I have someone to talk to about Heroes, Lost and all the other shows I love to watch!

How Long is Long Enough

So I have officially been at my new job for 42 days, and I am curious, my Dear Avid Readers, if you feel that it is long enough to start getting mean. I have this one co-worker named RK (aka Mr. Ridonkulous) and he is the most annoying, angry, ugly, mean co-worker ever. Whenever I ask him a question he just oozes sarcasm. I mean I sometimes sit at work and think of mean things that I could say back to him...for example (this is the conversation that occurred today):

Me: Hi RK, Would a student who is interested in the Doctoral program need to retake the TOEFL?
RK: Do we handle the Doctoral Programs? (sarcasm, sarcasm)
ME: I guess NO???
RK: Why would I know about something we don't handle?
ME: So, we don't even answer questions about programs we don't handle
RK: Why would we? It goes to the person who handles them
ME: Well who would that be then RK?
RK: John Dory...

Now, after this conversation I sort of re-imagined it going more so like this

Me: Hi RK, Would a student who is interested in the Doctoral program need to retake the TOEFL?
RK:Do we handle the Doctoral Programs? (sarcasm, sarcasm)
ME: I don't know, do we?
RK: Why would I know about something we don't handle?
ME: Good question. I'm not sure, but if I had to guess I would say it is because you are anal rententive and you actually know the answer but just like to act like a dick vein and throb uncontrollably when being asked a question because of your alpha male ego doesn't know how to put itself in check? (smile innocently as if my question is totally legit)
RK: Give it to the person who handles it!
ME: I'll handle you!

Ok, so maybe 42 days is too soon to have conversation 2 happen but lord knows I am dying to get to the point where I can say something like that!....so Dear Avid Readers, what do you say, maybe day 62?

Is it just me?

Dear Avid Readers, this is just some food for thought. Since turning 31 I have had 4 instances where i look down or someone has tapped me on the shoulder to tell me that my fly in down. Is there a correlation?

Thought I would ask.

BTW...

Dear Avid Readers,

Upon finishing my post from yesterday I went and checked out My Girl Bijou's blog and guess what I stumbled across...

It has become a trend...I mean now they are tatooing them on glass. I absolutely love it!

The Shanghai Triad

Dear Avid Readers. This blog is mostly for all the men in my family...namely, the Shanghai Triad. Recently, I came upon a trend that reminded so much of Yours Truly's male family members that I have decided to dedicate an entire post to that trend, I believe, got started by the Shanghai Triad. Before I get too much into it, let me preface it by saying that many, many moons ago, the boys of the Shanghai Triad grew out there hair and all got tattoos. Well, shortly after they decided to do this one member of the Shanghai Triad decided to get hitched. The day of the wedding came, binaca was sprayed, bouquets were thrown and mustaches were drawn. It was an amazing day. Well, little did Yours Truly expect it, then, but a short few years later a new trend has spread that is the birth of the combination of the Shanghai Triad's Genius. I call it The MUSTACHE TATTOO!

Amazing. The old school mustache with just enough curl to be manly.
The perfect curl where one shows his/her maniless at the perfection of the mustache curl.
The Extreme Curl. This is the curl for someone with something to prove. Either way for an in-depth look at this sweeping trend from one of the highest, and most decorated news sources please watch what I call "The Sweep of the Tattooed 'Stache"
Please enjoy. I love you Shanghai Triad.