The Forgotten Birthday

Dear Avid Readers...first things first. I have no idea how to rid myself of this obnoxious underlining. Second of all, I have forgotten (in my latest mad rage of work) to post a shout out to Michael's Birthday. He is not only a dear avid reader but also a blood relative....my bro in fact. Through the years we've had good times and not so good times.
Good time...(underlining is gone!!!) He flew all the way in from Chicago to help me celebrate my birthday. It was awesome to not only have friends but family there to help me turn 3.0.
Bad times....he decided to become b.f.f.'s with all my friends and I am pretty sure they ended loving him as much as they loved me!
Good times....He never once got lost because for once NO ONE depended on him to get us anywhere and he could just follow other people around.

Bad times....because of his triglycerides he HAD to eat healthy food like Turkey and Brie sandwich with a salad instead of fries. (why is that bad you might ask) well he would order a gross salad and munch on everyone else's fries :)
Good Times....it's awesome to get older and older and become better and better friends. I mean most times than not when I call to "bond" with him he passes the phone on to his wife, which I actually count on as a confidant, but I am hoping to one day break the 15 minute barrier with him where he actually can stay on the phone for more than 15 minutes before I begin feeling the "pressure" to cut it short!
Bad Times....knowing that everyday he is leaving his house with this ridiculous, obnoxious, furry thing of a mustache that makes me cringe when have to think of my cute and wonderful sister-in-law kissing....

What Celebreties Would look like IF...

Dear Avid Readers, When I said that 2 postings in one day was aggressive that was before I decided to forward this on to you. It's Thursday, tomorrow is my last day at work, and well, these are just too funny to pass up. So, below are some pictures of....

WHAT CELEBRITIES WOULD LOOK LIKE IF THEY GREW UP IN INDIANA-

JOHN TRAVOLTA
TOM CRUISE

TARA REID

MY LADY S.P.J.

THE BECKHAMS

PAMELA ANDERSON

THE OLSEN TWINS

OH JOHNNY DEPP, WHAT HAPPENED?

NICOLE KIDMAN

J LO AND SKELETOR (AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT DLISTED CALLS HIM)

JENNIFER ANISTON

GWEN STEFANI

MICHAEL DOUGLAS AND CATHERINE ZETA-JONES

AND MY FAVE...BRITNEY SPEARS!

Memories....like the corner of my....

Dear Avid Readers, I've decided to be a posting machine today and do two posts in one day...Holy Moly, I know. Anyways, first things first, I won't mention any names, but I recently was told by an Avid Reader that when there are posts with no pictures but ALL words - that they don't actually read it; therefore, I often put random pictures in which relates, NOT, to the story, but only as a mere mirage to make those who only read with pictures finish the story :)

(The O.F.L ((Original Fairchild Ladies) circa 2000))

So it is officially the 2nd to last day at my current job, and come Monday morning I will be starting on a new venture. It is all at once exciting and nerve wrecking. I know I will be expected to work much harder with this new position and I am actually looking forward to having some indespensible responsibilities; however with that being said it's the fear of the unknown that is worse than the unknown itself (I would like to contribute this misquote to someone fantastically famous, but I am pretty sure I made it up myself. Maybe one day it will be used in the book of quotes)

Here is a picture that I received from Miss M. I had totally forgotten about this picture of when we were in College. It was Halloween, I was a "flapper" working at Sam's Pizza, slinging beers and Calzones to my favoritest ladies.

So second story: I just recently discovered that Diablo Cody (Director and Writer of the Oscar Winning Film, Juno) She grew up in Naperville (like Yours Truly), She attended Benet High School (right by where Yours Truly grew up), she then graduated and went to the University of Iowa (like Yours Truly did), so why if we have SO much in common does she have an Oscar while I am answering questions like, "Yo' I want to be famous. Can your school do that?" Well, I put a lot of thought into it and I think it came down to the direction we took post college, while I decided to delay working in the "real world" and do some traveling, Diablo decided to put the term "real" back into real world and become a stripper. 5 years later I am at working entry level and Miss Cody has won herself an Oscar! Sweeeeet. If I ever have a daughter I will be sure to be supportive of any and all decisions, because at the end of the day I realize that there is no right path to sucess only individual journeys (hot damn....I am on a cliche quote ROLE!) I feel like a wise sage.

In Response to.

Dear Avid Readers. A few weeks ago, I brought to you a link that made my week better and brighter. It was a video from funny lady Sarah Silverman to her boy toy Jimmy. I sat in my little office laughing my head off. Well, in response to Sarah's Dear John Love Song, Jimmy has decided to respond. This made my day.


It is brilliant. I wish I was the illegitimate love child of Sarah and Jimmy.

Only in NYC!

Dear Avid Readers. There are times in the last five years where I look at myself and say, "Only in New York!" I mean the things that have happened to me since moving here I really believe would only happen here. Today I want to share with you one of them.

(faces have been omitted in order to preserve the identity of those involved)

The Gym Invasion:

Who: Me and a Blonde Amazon woman
What: Awkward Battle
When: Last Friday
Where: At the NYSC (New York Sports Club) the gym I belong to
Why: There are no explainations.

The Story is as follows. Friday night I was meeting Lady Friday at an Art Gallery Opening after work , and since I did not have time that morning to shower I decided to take a quick shower at my gym before meeting Lady Friday. Just as a preface, I go to this gym at least 4 times a week for yoga, and it's usually the same familiar faces with a few newbies now and then. Well since Fridays I get off work at 5, it was still early and it was pretty empty in the gym, hence the Blonde Amazon Woman stood out to me. (see picture below)

I really didn't think twice since we were at the gym and lady looked like she worked out and could bench press 3 of me with her left arm. Anyways, I get undressed, stuff all my belongings into my gym bag and head to the shower. Now at NYSC, the individual showers have individual hooks for bags/towels/etc. Anyways, so I hang up my bag with all my stuff and my towels over my bag and proceeded to shower. As I am washing my hair I see Miss Amazon walking back and forth through the shower area. Well, in the middle of me rinsing my hair I see Amazon lady really close to my bag and next thing I know I see her stick her hand into my bag while pretending to look the other way. Well, my gut instinct was to scream and run out of the shower. So, now I am naked, sopping wet, with suds still in my hair and eyes and screaming like a madwoman. Amazon lady doesn't run or do anything but slowly walk out of the shower area. At this point I wasn't sure what to do, so as I am standing there when this other girl by the mirror said she saw the whole thing through the mirror and asked me if I wanted to her go and tell someone. I was very thankful and asked her to please tell a manager as I really wasn't able to go anywhere in the condition I was in. I get back in the shower and finished washing my hair, and as I am getting out and drying off (see picture below)

So as I am drying off with a towel the NYSC employee walks over Amazon woman and wants her to speak with me. (now, I am going to go off on a tangent. But seriously, if you just tell someone that a woman the size of an Amazon was trying to rob you, do you really think that I want to confront her????) I didn't think so. But apparently this nice NYSC employee thought that the best way to solve this situation was to match up Amazon lady who is 6'8" and fully clothed against Yours Truly was is 5'5" and wearing a gym towel (they tend to be smaller than normal towels), alas, since I was put in that awkward position I didn't know what to say besides,

Me: "Why were you sticking your hand in my bag?" (while my hands were desparately clamped on the towel so that it wouldn't fall)
Amazon: "I was reaching for a towel, I wasn't stealing anything!" (she was holding a towel in her hand and waving it around)
Me: "Well, even if you needed a towel, the towels hanging on my bag clearly belong to me and not for you to take, so it doesn't matter what you were supposedly reaching for it is still my stuff." (my face is starting to get red and my hands and legs are visably shaking now0
Amazon: "I don't know what you think you saw but I was getting a towel!"
Me: "well 2 people saw you put your hand inside my bag, so clearly you weren't reachign for a towel."
Amazon: "I don't know what you are talking about, I was going for a towel" (Amazon continue to say over and over again at which point I was exhausted and wanting to dry off and stop arguing with a crazy woman naked!

Either way, in the end nothing was stolen besides my pride but seriously, why would ANYONE bring someone over. It's not like we are 5 years old on the playground and she was stealing my toy so the teacher has to bring her over so we can "work it out" I mean b*#^% was reaching into my bag.....oh, OINY (only in NY)

This Made my Monday Blues a bit Brighter

Dear Avid Readers,

If you enjoy the couple Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel you will love this little video.
Please click if you want a good laugh on this freezing Monday morning.

It's called: A LOVE NOTE

Check This Out

Dear Avid Readers...
A couple'a cool, quick things I want to share with you today. Number One, please check out my side links and click on Hurley Burley, because in it you will find that Hurley (a.k.a. Jorge Garcia) is an avid blogger like you and I and actually has his own blog which is pretty funny.

Number Two, last night the NY Giants won the superbowl and although Yours Truly does not "get" football I must admit that being in a bar filled with hundreds of Giants Fans did get me feeling all emotional and filled with joy when that dude caught the ball in a mid-air, sticky hands, sticky helmut, balls-out, heart-out, jump-grab that got the entire bar almost in tears but not as much as when that other dude caught the ball at the end that helped the Giants score.

I mean I understand that they were the underdogs and that they haven't won a superbowl in awhile that that it was an amazing feat...however, I don't understand why people don't see that the bigger amazement is that ONLY during sports games played by other dudes, do dudes, I mean big dudes, feel the most at ease expressing and demonstrating straight-up, raw emotions. It's something that kept me up for at least 10-15 minutes last night before falling asleep.