Another Funny Story

Dear Avid Readers, After posting the sexual harassment blog, I remembered a funny story that I had forgotten to share with you. 5-7 months back when the boy was back in New York, I had met the boy and his boss out with a friend (Miss V) of mine for dinner and drinks. The night started out super duper happy with me and (these pictures work, but the friend with me is Miss J but you may pretend it Miss V) We were all laughing and eating (at this fabulous dominican restaurant) and it was good times all around. The boss (who is very non-linear) and the boy had just closed on an important deal and so it was sort of a celebration. Margaritas were aflowing.

As the night progressed, our happiness turned into a little bit of shock as we realized that the double margaritas the boys were ordering have now become double whiskeys. After finishing dinner we decided to go down the street to a local bar. Dimly lit, cute, stiff drinks, it was a wonderful little place. At this time the boys were getting super hammered and Miss V and Yours Truly were catching up with them and had a nice buzzzzzz going.

Therefore, you could imagine my surprise turning in sadness when I realized that the Boss was spending the whole night only talking to the boy and beginning to give him massages on his back and sort of man-flirting while I was there.

But have no fear Dear Avid Readers, that sadness only lasted about a minute and a half as then it turned to disgust. and here is why...
1. From the massages the Boss began tickling the Boy. And not the kind of tickle you give kids to make them scream, not the kind of tickling you give your siblings when you try to torture them, but the kind of tickling you save for the ones you are in bed with after a rompous night.
2. The boss began taking off the boys shoes and socks and trying to give him a foot massage
3. The boss moved to the couch where then he would beckon the boy over
4. at one point the boss was passed out with his face in the boys croch. it was comical.

well at the end of our 5 margaritas, 6 whiskeys and maybe a bottle of wine we decided it was time to go home, especially since the boss no longer had his eyes open. We all walked outside when we realized that the boss had essentially passed out whilst walking out and had to be carried, we tried hailing him a cab, but as most NY cabbies will say (no awake no cab). So many passed us. Finally one stopped. I almost peed for joy until he said, where is he going and we realized that NONE of us knew where Mr. Boss man lived. We knew he lived in Brooklyn and had a partner of 18 years, but the exact address...nada mucho!

Therefore, the only solution we had was to get in a cab (say goodbye to Miss V) and take him back to my place. well, in the process of getting the Boss back home, the boy officially dropped him 3 times on his head. I mean DROPPED. the boss was flung on the boys shoulder so when he dropped it was like 6'1" of drop and onto concrete. I knew there would be major headaches in the a.m.

I went to bed with a Yours Truly frown and thought...tomorrow will be better. Well, I woke up in the morning to find both puke AND piss all over my apartment. and to make matters worse, I stepped in the piss as I was trying to get a glass of water.

The point of this story is that it has now been about 7 months and i can tell teh story and laugh at it; however, that morning I was ready to go wu-tang on someone, anyone.

Please enjoy and next time any male dear avid readers speak with or i.m. the boy please feel free to drop some hints about "male-ssages" "puken'piss" and not to mentions "testoster-tickles"

I am a Sexual Predator

Dear Avid Readers,
As I had the funniest (now at least) thing happen to me I thought I would share it with you...my dear avid readers. As you know, I am starting new job on Thursday, well as part of the "orientation" I had to go online, take a sexual harassment class, pass this online test administered by the computer (by at least 85%), and print out my certification of passing and bring it in with my paperwork. Well I went in on Friday a little cocky and really not in the mood to take the test. I read the first 5 pages of a 75 page online course carefully and began skimming around page 5 1/2. Most of the stuff was very clear cut...

Quid Pro Quo: Like when employee Michael is told by Employer Harry that if he wants that $200 raise he will have to bend over

or things like

Hostile Work Environment: Like when employee Michael tells very awkward and obscene jokes in the work environment and makes his fellow employee May uncomfortable

So really, I thought I had this in the bag. So after skimming through my "course" I finally got to the part where I could take the test. As I breezed through it I was feeling very good about myself. I was certain I was on the right track...I mean who could possibly get the question

True/False: In your department is it acceptable to date students
My answer: False

I mean I was rolling. After completing question 25 and I was waiting for the computer to finish "loading my results" I even looked at the kid next to me at the Chinatown Public Library and gave him a smile and wink like "yeah buddy we're good!" Well little did I know that post-wink I looked back on the screen and saw:

"I'm sorry, you needed a score of 85% or above in order to pass Pace University's Sexual Harassment test. You have failed"

and right then and there the word failed (posted in red) flashed before me in big bold dirty letters. I knew right then adn there that I have labeled myself as a sexual predator. I mean WHO fails a sexual harassment test? I have watched all those videos. The ones where they "mock" situations with other fellow co-workers. I saw the movie North Country where Charlize Theron was sexually harassed by her co-workers. How could I have failed. I mean I have known to maybe give a co-worker an occiasional

(yes it is a titty twister) but not if they told me not to! I mean it was only done as a joke! Anyways, dear avid readers, yours truly was only upset for a day or so, but I have re-mounted this hurdle and have kept myself abreast of what I needed to do to handle this challenge and I have stroked a fire underneath myself and really studied hard, and long and am glad to say that today I came, I took and I passed!

P.S. btw, the answer to the question above was actually WRONG....I mean I thought I was being all conservative saying that I couldn't date student, but looking back, I guess if I had read the online course I would have seen that in the GRADUATE SCHOOL it is okay to date! dope!

Updates

Dear Avid Readers,

The sisters came for a reunion last weekend and it was great getting together with everyone. At one point I was up for 33 hours before getting sleep, and looked like it too... Looking Sleepy
The Girls
More Girls
Little Italy
See Food at Stanton Social
SeeBalls at Stanton Social where we ate a lot of cheeze. It was hilarious. I think our waitress hated us, because the dinner was comped (due to one of the sister being a part owner of the restaurant) so we ate at this great restaurant and told our server to just bring out things that 7 girsl would like to eat. I mean we were dressed to go out dancing afterwards and didn't want to make any decisions. Well, our waitress (mind you she had full discretion and money was no limit) decided to bring us every possible form of fried cheese. we had fried cheese in a shape of a ball, fried cheese wrapped in a dumplin, fried cheese in little skewers dipped in french onion soup it was unbelievable how many ways one can actually fry cheese, so needless to say after dinner we went out dancing and we all felt bloated, cheesy, and fried)
Toasting to my one and only Schnee Schni Schnoppi...I am sorry I backed out of LA, but you know how I am with driving...
My She-Ronda...I could eat you alive

A Sister Wedge...I love it
Heather even came out and showed how the "east coast party cuz a east coast party don't stop"
This is my absolute look of shock and excitement and disbelief that Miss L came out to eat and dance with us!
This is about 6 am...and we're still looking semi normal
Mama Scar and her fiesty ways

Can never get enough Stella....ella...ella under my Stella
Cute as buttoms...errr I mean buttons
This is officially hour 33 of no sleep, I was starting to go crossed eyed
Girls night out
So that was my sister weekend. I will have more pictures uploaded once I can figure out how to get my pictures from a CD onto my computer...man I wish I were more cmoputer literate!

D to the B

Dear Avid Readers,

One would assume that since Yours Truly is officially jobless I would devote more time into updating my dear avid readers on the goings on of my life, yet I find myself with less free time than before. However, this story is so good it had to be told immediately. Today, as I was gchatting with a deara avid reading friend before bed, the subject of my brother came up and the conversation went something like this:

Me: so mike's baby is due soon
Friend: you're talking about the other Mike right?
Me: yeah, not my brother but Pastor Mike
Friend: oh, I never call him Mike
Me: what do you call him?
Friend: Michael
Me: Oh
Friend: and sometimes something else too
(at this moment, for those of you that know gchat, I am typing and I see also on the screen that Friend is typing as well) next thing you know-simultaneously, these words popped up on the screen....

Me: Dbag
Friend: "Douchebag"

It was such a beautiful and bonding moment for us both knowing that we thought so similarly of someone we love so much! So much so that I had to let ALL of my dear avid readers know!

The Last Month

Dear Avid Readers, seriously, my bad. It's been forever since I've posted, but if it makes you feel any better my life has been turned topsy turvey this last month, hence the lack of posts. First and foremost I finally quit my job. Although I sometimes get that pit in my stomach like "what the hell am I doing with my life and why would ANYONE ever quit their 6 figure job cuz they hate their boss" feeling, I have to take a breath and realize that there is no amount of money that can make up for being happy and I might always complain about my job, but I never want to feel like a job could be the absolute death of me. So, here I am jobless and trying to figure out where to go from here.With that being said, the first thing I did as a poor-unemployed tax payer I hosted a beer drive. What is a Beer Drive, you ask. Well it is something along the lines of...
Dear Friends and Family as some of you may know, as of Sunday night I will officially be unemployed. Having said so, I spent a majority of the weekend contemplating my life and separating things into...
1. Needs and
2. Wants
for example, I really want a winning lottery ticket, but need enough for rent and food. I really want a Princess gown, but need enough to be presentable when purchasing such rent and food. With that being said, I realized that I needed to host a Drive for the things that I need.
Therefore, please join me in a Happy Hour Beer Drive where you, the donor, buy me, the cause, beer/liquor/wine/shot or a combination of all of the above. I shall pick up my last paycheck at about 6:00 pm and will head directly over.

Thanks again, in advance, for your generosity and kindness...I look forward to seeing you there. Please feel free to pass the good word along to all friends and family I have missed.

****non-perishable food items unnecessary******


It was super fun and I had friends from all of my past and present who showed up to support the fact that I am currently jobless and it was great!
I spent Memorial Day weekend with a friend who I ran into in NYC who I went to NNHS with. It was the most random of randoms. but since we've run into each other we've hung out quite a bit and it's funny how someone whom I never really even spoke with in high school is someone I totally have fun with. It goes to show that everyone deserves at least a chance to show their super great qualities. Anyways, she invited me to a friends bbq for Memorial Day adn we ate amazing food (some of the people there were professional chefs and also oyster dealers) so as you can imagine we ate very very well. Besides that, the girls team (+1 boy) won in whiffle ball!
Vanessa and I met up when she returned from her trip to China and we decided to rip up and bite the heads off of all her China money....so we did! it was actually very therapeutic and I will try to do that more often

These are some of my previous students at AMDA who are absolutely amazing students and it makes me miss students who were smart, driven, and have a deep sense of work ethic...with that being said, In The Heights, won for best musical at the Tony's tonight, and the male lead in show is an alumni of my previous school which in some sense makes me proud.

So that's whats happening with me, I have to figure out what I want to do with my life, but until then I am trying to enjoy the fact that I am jobless and have all this time to really relax and chill!

O.M.G. What has Taiwan done?

Dear Avid Readers,

As some of you may know my little brother graduated from college and immediately packed his bags for a little country known as Taiwan in pursuit of work, love, and apparently a new haircut. As I was searching for my dear brother via the mass pictures of Facebook, I realized I couldn't find him. I scoured page after page of ALL my friends but he was nowhere to be found. Getting a bit worried I immediately turned to his lady friend's page to see where he was. What I found instead was...... Zac Chang (see below)

Now my mother and I both stared and stared at Zac Chang for a solid 25 minutes wondering if that was indeed my brother and her son. I mean:

1. Chin Hair - Yes

2. Flairing Nostrils - Yes

3. Wearing White Pre Memorial Day - Yes

however,

1. Gold Jewelry - No

2. ManBowl Haircut - No

3. Zac Chang - No

Therefore it was truly hard to tell who this man was. Is it my beloved brother (see below)

I mean it's just so creepily similar that it's hard to tell!

Birthdays, Headbands, Families and Other Daily Grinds

Dear Avid Readers: So, lately I've been noticing the return of the "hippie headband" worn by all of today's tops celebs. And as someone who prides herself in reading ALL the celebrity blogs, I decided that it was a look that was definitely making a "comeback"

Therefore, when my brother and sister in law decided to visit to celebrate of favorite friend M's birthday, I decided that I would be the next AZN BloHan and don a headband as well. However, those of you who know me knows how I despise shopping, name brands, and trends; therefore, in order still pull of the look without having to actually shop, I decided to raid M's closet for the nearest belt.
This is what I came up with. (p.s. here is M, my brother and I letting all my dear avid readers know that we are in major support of MW...the midwest....wo shua hollers)
This is the evening of St. Patricks Day where the ladies and I donned our green garb and headed out for a night of celebrating....afterall, I am 3% Irish.
This was a birthday drink that M's HBO co-workers threw for her that I jumped in on. It was a fun night of rooftop drinking and although I will never head back to the bar (too crowded and terrible bartenders) I'm glad I went once.
Here we are again before heading out for the night. This was a night of a lot of firsts for me. My first headband, my first pair of skinny jeans ( i had just bought a few hours prior ((Forever 21, for 27.99)) and wearing it out that night)
This was M and I showing the world how to "smile with our eyes" we would make Tyra so proud.
I'm not sure if my dropped jaw was at the fact that I was on my 36th beer or the fact that no one thought twice of Ed holding my clutch like he knows what he's doing.
Last but not least it was me hugging the birthday girl herself. I'm going to be slightly cheesy for a bit and say that even though I am proud of you for getting into grad school it would have been much cooler if you applied to maybe Columbia, NYU, or PACE...I mean UofM....I can't even point it out on a map...how will I find you? Anyways, Thanks for a great weekend...thanks for flying in and hanging out with us M&M...you are the best family ever.