It all started when Yours Truly took 6 beautiful Avid Readers to Winnie's. A local hole in the wall Karaoke bar located in the heart of Chinatown. Keep in mind we arrived at Winnie's around 2:45 am after a long, long night of beer pong, flip cup, and chug-a-lug.
Out of my 5 beautiful Dear Avid Readers, there was one beauty in particular who kicked off our Winnie's night with her rendition of "Eternal Flame" Her Dear Avid Husband was very proud.
Whilst my little beauty was singing her heart out a porcuman (man-like porcupine) began dancing and putting his arms around my sweet little singing angel. Pictured below is a back shot of our porcuman. Note his arms already around other ladies.
Dear Avid Husband was having such a jolly time dancing and watching his beautiful wife serenade him with tunes of the 80's that he let the porcuman go. However, during another song, porcuman decided to get a little closer and began a dance of seduction with the singing beauty. At this time, Avid Husband began feeling a little rustled and therefore went up to the stage. At first, Yours Truly thought that Avid Husband was going up there to pull his beautiful wife off stage, when to all our surprise, he began dancing, or more like grinding with our porcuman.
Porcuman, did not like having another pair of testosterone up on his grill; therefore, he immediately left the stage and went by his friends. At this point we were all laughing and tasting the happy when Porcuman said, quite audibly, although only directed to his friends, "what a tool"
Now, Websters Dictionary defines Tool as
–noun
1. an implement, esp. one held in the hand, as a hammer, saw, or file, for performing or facilitating mechanical operations.
1. an implement, esp. one held in the hand, as a hammer, saw, or file, for performing or facilitating mechanical operations.
Examples below.
However, Avid Husband did not take it that way and immediately, his already un-proportionately large chest got even larger and he went up to Porcuman and started fight words like:
However, Avid Husband did not take it that way and immediately, his already un-proportionately large chest got even larger and he went up to Porcuman and started fight words like:
"You want to go?"
"Let's take this outside"
"C'mon, C'mon"
"Let's go right now"
are a few examples. Now, please note the picture below of Porcuman with his girl friend and another random. It was the three of them. At this point Porcuman was standing behind the girl and not saying anything. If Yours Truly were to eyeball the Porcuman, I would say he weighed a buck ten, no more than 5'5" although maybe 5'3" when you shorten the hair. He clearly did not want to mess with Avid Husband, whose Triglycerides are at 450 *Note(normal is 150)* from many years of beer, red meat, and cigarettes. Not to mention, Avid Husband only works out his arms and upper body (therefore inheriting the disfigured and unproportionate upper torso that he has) it would have been a totally unfair and unequal matching of the testosterones. Despite the attempts of the 6 beauties to stop the fight Avid Husband was on a role and was not about to step down. (Later it was agreed that Avid Husband was more angered at the "tool" comment then the grinding of Porcuman with his beautiful wife)
Before I go on to the conclusion of the story, I must do a side by side of the two boys. Although Yours Truly does not have a good picture of Porcuman, you can tell by comparing first Porcuman to the BudLite bottle and see how me isn't much wider then compare Porcuman to Avid Husband. It would have been a lose-lose battle.
In conclusion, we finally were able to pry Avid Husband away from Porcuman (actually from Porcuman's girls, because Porcuman was clearly hiding behind her) and went our own way. During that time, Porcuman came up to me and was like,
P- (Porcuman): "what's his problem"
YT- (Yours Truly): "He didn't have one until you said something"
P: "I was just having fun and dancing"
YT: "Well, but you said fighting words. If you are going to call a drunk man out you need to have the balls to back it up"
P: "But he's the one that came up and cut in on the dance"
YT:"But an asshole would have grabbed his wife, he was just trying to lighten the mood by dancing with you. You are the one that took offense and called him out"
P:"But..."
YT:"You are the one that challenged him and then didn't back it up!"
with that Yours Truly went back to lip-singing More Than Words when I turn around and hear
P- (Porcuman): "Dude, I'm sorry man!"
AH- (Avid Husband): "No man it was my bad"
P: "I shouldn't have called you a tool"
AH: "No, really it was my fault"
(here they proceeded to drunk hug each other)
Next thing Yours Truly knows, I am at WoHop (another chinatown must eat) with Porcuman, his very biatchy girl, and his friend who insisted on telling us his views on Cairo and the Middle East eating Fried Wontons and Egg Foo Young.
The point of this story is...don't eat WoHop when wasted. It is not good for the digestive system in the morning!
4 comments:
I think I'm seeing a trend here. The last time I saw Michael huff and puff was after he shouldered some dude and the dude threw down his drink and wanted to brawl.
Oh, and the dude was, like, 65.
I know. It was hilarious seeing Michael like that just to turn around 30 seconds later and apologize and hug a guy that resembles a porcupine!
oh it burns, michael, doesn't it? Kind of like an eternal flame.
The worst experience is being at wohop with these peeps...talking about the middle east....i was about to die. i think i would have punched the guy myself.
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