As Dorky as Dorky Gets

Dear Avid Readers. Call it teenage angst, call it a blast from the past but this week I decided to paint my nails black. After being immersed in Williamsburg for a full year now I keep seeing these cooler-than-a meat-freezer-in-Minnesota kids walking about town with black nails and I thought to myself, "hey that looks awesome" in fact, Yours Truly's BF even said that he thought it would be "cool". Well, on Monday a girlfriend and I decided to grab dinner and get our nails done. As I purveyed the rows of pinks, reds, purples, and blues I decided to go with black.

well, I got home poured myself a glass of bourbon and by morning as I was doing some dishes before work I screamed. I mean I screamed one of those screams that would have been embarrassing if there was actually someone else there in the room because I thought that there was a cockroach on my hand.

As I dropped a handful of silverware and backed away from the sink while shaking my hand (only about 3 seconds in real time) I realized that it was my own fingernails that were the culprit. (see insert of picture above as proof that in the dark whilst squinting how much my fingers now look like cockroaches)

Anyways, having this little "incident" this morning I realized something Shallow and Moderate about myself (a.k.a. something NOT deep and profound) I have always been comfortable with the fact that I wasn't the traditional definition of cool becuase I've always been confident in who I was inately.

Expample: When I started developing my 30's "stella-bump"

[Definition: Noun: the little pouch a women tends to get after many years of beer drinking. Synonym: Beer Belly Antonym: Six Pack]

I was ok with it, afterall, look how much press Bradgelina got when the papps discovered her bump!

Same thing with my nails. Even when I try to hip-out and get black nailpolish I end up scaring the shit out of myself and almost passed out from fear while washing dishes. And in events like this there is nothing better to do than 1. laugh at yourself 2. let the world know via Facebook and Blogger that you are the biggest dorko potato on Earth 3. Let those that know or not know you laugh with you in the hopes that you makes someone's day just a little better and in return this is the best and most financially smart therapy one can get because by doing so I only become cooler on the inside even though my outside might seem like I am a 32 year old that is obsessed with Twilight (which Dear Avid Readers, have no fear because I am not) I am only obsessed with The Real Housewives.