Pop Post III - The Shout Outs

Good morning Dear Avid Reader,

As most of Yours Truly's Shout Outs disappeared with the blog itself, I wanted to do a Pop Post Shout of to the my Avid Commenters. (Yes, I know it's a form of positive re-inforcement) but here are my ladies of comment:

Miss Meg's. Thanks for reminding me of the Red, Red Wine

My Michelle, the first to cast her vote for the big 3-0

And last but not least, my favoritest sister in law Miss May. Who IS Yours Truly's most avid follower/commenter. Also, the on ewho taught me the importance of Shout Outs!

Thank you ladies for making my rantings and ravings worthwhile.

It's All in the Phrasing

Dear Avid Readers,

For those of you like Yours Truly who needed a modern day miracle to reaffirm life and all its wonders we tuned in last night to watch Asia and Trixie's ex best friend Paris give her first post freedom interview with Larry King. Although most of what Paris said was probably scripted and to be expected there was one thing that caught my ear, and it wasn't until Her Artjesty (One of Yours Truly's BFF) pointed out a very interesting interpretational phrasing that I realized Paris may not be a liar but in fact was speaking the truth when she said she never did drugs. Now, for most of us when asked, "have you ever taken drugs" we would assume it covered anything that our Prez considered "illegal" Now, perhaps we don't give Paris as much credit as we should, because depending on interpretation, it's really SMOKING the Mary Jane and not really TAKING it. Paris could have

1. Taken Acid
2. Snorted Coke
3. Shot up Heroine
4. Smoked a Doobie
or even
5. Injected Crack

Despite the fact that Yours Truly is an avid despiser of Paris Hilton, Yours Truly is also an advid admirer or logic. Therefore, perhaps Paris was indeed telling the truth that she did not "Take" any drugs.

Food for Thought

The Future of our Youths

Dear Avid Readers,

As some of you may know I left my high paying job as a waitress in New York 2 years ago to work with the future of our society: "Students" at half the pay. Now, as much as I've enjoyed working with these bright, dramatic, amazing students, I still come across some that just aren't so bright once in awhile. In fact there are so many that are questionable, that i've started what I call the "Funny Folder" it is a collection of funny e-mails, letters, or things I've received since starting.

***In order to spare the feelings of those involved, I have changed the names and physical characteristics of the characters***

I know exhibit one may be hard to read. But when asked how this student found out about AMDA, the response was, "OTHER, Eavesdropping on someone's conversation." Hmmm. Really? Did I need to know that?

Exhibit #2. There are many, many parts that make this letter hilarious. First and foremost, is the fact that someone named Saad Butt wrote me this letter. Second of all, read the 3rd paragraph down in which Mr. Butt admitts that he has avoided our calls to him, not once, but twice because he felt he had disappointed us.

Now this last came with the morning mail. Before I get into the hilarity of this letter let me preface by saying that I work with a (again no names but who we will refer to Employee X):

"Blameless Bob who is a Thumb-Twiddling, Tortoise and Clock-Watches incessantly and is often mistaken for an Early Retiree"

We received a mailing that helps managers and supervisors, "Deal effectively with unacceptable employee behaviour" and here are what they have labeled as unacceptable.

Tortoise: Someone who shows up late or not at all.

X certainly has an issue with trains, planes and automobiles as X is never on time for work. Now Yours Truly isn't to the dot either but will always be in within a 15 minute margine. But X believes that anything before 11:00 am is acceptable.

Insubordinate Subordinate: Someone who challenges you in front of other workers and managers.

Although X does not do that, per se, there is an attitude of superiority that

Blameless Bob: Someone who always has an excuse for everything.

This is certainly true of X. I mean X ran out of excuses once and had to use the excuse, "Well I had to make that mistake..." and although there is no clear evidence pointing the this fact we all believe that the Office Fairly stuck a gun to X's head and forced X to comply to all office mistakes.

Whiner: Someones who complains no matter what is asked of them

X does not posses this, although once in awhile Yours Truly may be guilty

Thumb-Twiddler: Someone who lacks motiviation and initiative.

X certainly has this problem. X has found the key to seeming busy whilst accomplishing nothing which may or may not be seen as motivation.

Amy Attitude: Someone who has a negative attitude that brings everyone down

X is certain cheery***for reason see below listed under Antagonist***

Hand Holder: Needs constant supervision

X does not need constant supervision although I sometimes wish there were as X is prone to mistakes and also a dislike of asking questions. Therefore, X would much rather stumble and falter and do something wrong rather than ask and get it right.

Early Retiree: Someone who has begun practicing on-the-job retirement

X definately has an issue with this. Examples being, leaving early, coming late, and having 2 hour coffee breaks intermixed with 45 minute vacations at other employees offices

Antagonist: Someone who is rude and unpleasant to co-workers, vendors and customers.

X is certainly pleasant but who wouldn't be if they are on the early retirement plan.

Worrywart: Someone with personal problems that infringe on the workday

X has problems all the time although the only infringement on the workday is that it interfers with X's ability to actually be at work

and last but not least

Clock-Watcher: Someone who refuses to work weekends or even a minute beyong "quitting time" even during deadline crunches

Now although I have seen X at work past the "standard quitting time" it usually is because X arrive 2 1/2 hours late to work. Now, does that mean X worked late? I think not.

***All accusations and examples are purely the belief of the author and does not reflect the belief or idealogy of the producers of The Daily Grind of Yours Truly***

For the Love of All Things Hairy

Dear Avid Readers. I feel like this man, minus the facial hair. Two years ago I decided that I wanted to donate my hair to Locks of Love. From the moment the decision was made I've been growing out my hair. In the last 2 years I've only gotten 1 trim of about 2 inches. It was 98Degrees today. I am dying. Although I've chosen August 18th as the day in which to chop off my mane, I must say, dear avid readers, I may not make it until then. Having been blessed with a head FULL of thick, course, black hair, my head feels like an oven when I step outside during the dogs days of summer. Therefore, for all my avid readers who were patiently awaiting August 18th to see the new, improved, and lighter yours truly, I must confess....the New Me may be coming much, much sooner.

Pop Post II - AMTM

ANTM: America's Next Top Mom

Dear Avid Readers: This is Popular Post #2 the one where Yours Truly announced Season 4's winner of ANTM - America's Next Top Mom. Here is a highlighted recap of what my mom did when she visited me for the first time EVER in New York after 4 long arduous years.

Like any good ANTM, this little fireball immediately found herself a man.

And then she found herself a celebrity lady.

But even with so much play, MYT (Mama of Yours Truly) still felt the need to find herself some additional balls and an ass grab by New York's finest.

I guess what they say is true, like mother like daughter. We had a great time while mom was visiting and I can't wait for her to come and visit again.

Desparately Seeking Perfection

Dear Avid Readers,

As some of you might know, Yours Truly has been desparately trying to find the perfect venue to host this little shin dig I like to call 'My Crossover" However, I find it amusing that since moving to New York I've found that finding the right venue is much like finding the right man...not only is it hard one, but one must learn the art of compromise. It is amusing to Yours Truly how many rules and stipulations there are in order to rent a space. However, upon searching and searching and searching Yours Truly may have found a cute little venue called Jadis. Not only is it located in the heart of LES, which makes Yours Truly truly giddy, but it encompasses the quaintness of the midwestern girl that I am with the slick and groovy city-esque wine list that I love. Dear Avid Readers, may I present to you Jadis. This is a cute little place that Yours Truly is in the midst of trying to book. So please, cross your fingers and lets all hope for the best.

I'm turning 30!

Dear Avid Readers. As most of you know, Yours Truly will be turning 30 this year in August. As I desparately try to find a venue and plan for this blessed event I am stuck at a crossroads as to what the theme of this years Extravaganza should be. I have come up with a few ideas but would like to open this forum up to my peeps...that's you dear avid readers. Please feel free to adjust, comment, or give you suggestions to me. Winner will be announced July 15, 2007 on The Daily Grind of Yours Truly

Here are the Top Seven Themes of this years Pah-Tee...

1. "The Dirty Thirty...Come with your favorite dirty joke"

2. "The Big Three Oh...Come as a famous Pimp or Ho"

3. "Twenty No More...Dress to Wow the Bouncer at the Door"

4. "Thirties like the Nitty Gritty...Come dressed As Sex in the City"

5. "To my 20's I say So Long...Come dressed as your favorite Song"

6. "Turning 30? That's so Hot...Come ready to shoot your favorite Shot"

7. "One step closer to Grandma' D...Dress as your favorite Celebriteeeee."

Pop Posts I: Asia and Trixie Caught!

Dear Avid Readers. As promised, some of the most popular posts from the Original Site will be resurrected for your viewing pleasure.

Whilst Yours Truly was out at Jones Beach over Memorial Day weekend, I caught celebrity lovebirds Asia and Trixie frolicking at the beach.

Celebrity body language expert, Stu Pidpants, says, "based on the way these two are holding hands via pinky-only shows the playful nature of their relationship, while the way they take steps via opposite foot shows how these two would be an unbeatable three-legged racing team."

Yours truly also caught the lovebirds 'star' gazing, not at the Big Dipper, but at each other as if nothing else existed at the beach.

At one point, Yours Truly overheard the loverbirds in a playful, yet serious debate over the likelihood of two possibilities:

1. Their ex-best friend, Paris Hilton, completing her entire sentence in prison

or

2. George Bush actually completing a complete sentence when giving a national speech.

Asia and Trixie both agreed that 1 was more likely

Indeed, the best side of young love.

The Resurrection

Dear Avid Readers. I apologize for being missing these last few days. Due to unforseen glitches I had to lay my former self to rest and start anew. But have no fear dear readers, I will be resurrecting some of the more famous postings to this new page.